Tales From The Trip

It was Sept. 14th and I was truckin’, but on a bike.  The events of the first night on the road are a little hazy, so I’m gonna skip those for now, and move right into Palm Springs.

I was denied access into Morongo Native territory.  I foolishly got the idea that I would absolutely be able to get in and ride right on through with a little quick talking at the gate.  That was not the case.  It probably didn’t help that I might have looked like a crazy tweaker, pulling up to the gate at around 3 in the morning, claiming that the road was my way through to the East coast.  The kid at the front gate was blonde and could have passed for Snow White’s brother.  After realizing that I wasn’t getting through, I told him this.  I still couldn’t get in.

So, instead of a nice, leisurely ride through, what I am sure is a beautiful reservation, I was forced to discover a new route.  Fortunately for me, someone thought I was stealing their mail when I stopped to review my map in front of their house.  Fucking alarm dogs.  When I finally gave up my hopes of getting through the gate and turned around to find a new route in a timely manner, my stomach quickly dropped.  I saw a squad car talking (the car was related to kit from Nightrider) to a home owner who pointed at me as I casually strolled down the street.  Cool.  Well, after a quick chat with officer blah blah I had my directions.  Thanks dude.

Getting kicked off my my trail must’v really messed me up.  I did another forgettable thing in the wee hours of the morning, and left to get back on the road around noon (Palm Springs September noon) in search of my new trail head.  This apparent “trail” was possibly where they filmed the asteroid scenes of “Armageddon”, with Bruce and AJ, great movie…. Anywho! My front tire immediately went flat, exploded if I may say, the first of like a million times to follow, and since I am not a wheely master, I was stuck walking. (Palm Springs September noon)

I’m gonna teach a very quick survival lesson, for anyone traveling or being stupid, which I learned through a swift bitch slapping of heat exhaustion.  Hide Your WATER from the sun!  You don’t wanna be making flavorless instant tea while struggling for breath, dragging a useless bike, with about 50 pounds on your back and at least a mile to go in Palm Springs Sept. NOOOON, or in any other stupid situation.  Water is life or death, for every human, everyday.  Protect your water.

I was the lone rider, well.. walker, in Fuckville.  I was trying to maintain stamina.  I took slow sips from my plastic, solar water boiler, only to vomit, almost immediately, at least twice the amount I drank.  No water.  The sand and jagged rock combo I was drudging through was also,… not ideal.

But I made it!  I was so excited to get onto a road that I walked right out into the middle and madly waved my arms, expecting whoever was going to stop to thank me for making it so convenient for them to rescue me.  The third vehicle, first of the pick-up truck variety, stopped and reluctantly gave me a ride to the nearest gas station.  The dude told me to get my shit together and drove off, probably to go golfing or something.

Uhhhhh… so I told the gas attendants that I would be taking water for a second, and stood, swaying, probably with a look of horrified shock, and complete exhaustion, thinking, for the first time(;p, about mortality.  A younger dude, one of the few people I am really, truly pissed that I didn’t get to add on Facebook, asked me if I was alright.  The gas station attendant was complaining about the water mess I was making, and so dude and I walked outside.  I couldn’t even drink the cold water yet.

Basically the kid took care of me for the next few hours.  He bought me food, drove me around, and bought me the new parts for my bicycle.  I didn’t know how to thank him.  So, I tried to give him a bj hahahahahaa, nah….. I will always remember him as one of the kindest, most altruistic person’s, between the age’s of 16 – 21.  I appreciate it Man.

He had to get back to life, work I think.  I called Jay and told her to look up an apartment complex with a nice pool in the area.  I got my first sleep of the trip on a comfy, poolside lawn-chair, in beautiful hell….. Palm Springs.


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